TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS: Good evening and welcome to Tucker Carlson Tonight. There were indications over the weekend that the Coronavirus may not be one of those tragic curiosities that happen in faraway countries, like a mudslide in Bangladesh. Instead, the epidemic could have massive consequences for the United States, and soon. We’ll have live updates for you in just a minute.
But first, to a political tragedy now unfolding in this country: the self-immolation of the Democratic Party. The first primary of the season begins tomorrow in New Hampshire. Like all political leaders, Democrats in Washington have worked to control as much of the outcome as they can. They wrote a detailed script almost a year ago. Way back in the spring, they decided that this election would amount to an Obama restoration. By beating Trump, we could return to the world before Trump. Joe Biden was their designated leader of the counter-revolution. It’s all a little hard to believe now — now that Biden is in danger of finishing fifth in New Hampshire. But that’s what they really thought. They said so on TV:
CNN’s DAVID AXELROD: Well, he just decided to bypass the primaries and go right to the main event and kind of consign everybody else to the kiddie table.
CNN’s JAIME GANGEL: That is Joe Biden at his best. That is someone that is authentic. It’s the reason he connects with people
CNN’s BROOKE BALDWIN: Today the man who has been a vice president, who has been a senator, who has been a big fan of aviators is joining the race.
CNN’s JAIME GANGEL: The aviators are back! ... There they are. There are the aviators and he loves this. He is having fun. This is not heavy lifting for Joe Biden.
MSNBC’s CHRIS MATTHEWS: I thought that message today was very thrilling to me. I thought it was very American. I thought it was great!
Hear that? Biden’s got cool sunglasses. Aviators! Just like Steve McQueen. He’s on fire. Everyone else is at the kiddie table. Biden’s got this in the bag. That was the view. And then Biden started running, which meant talking. Not the usual paid speeches to investor conferences in Dubai, but actual, in-person campaign events, where there’s no teleprompter and people can ask you questions. Things quickly collapsed:
BIDEN: No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger, other than in self-defense, and that rarely ever occurs. And so we have to just change the culture, period, and keep punching at it and punching at it and punching at it.
BIDEN: (WHILE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE) I love this place. Look, what’s not to like about Vermont in terms of the beauty of it? And what a neat town.
BIDEN: Play the radio, make sure the television -- excuse me, make sure you have the record player on at night.
BIDEN: Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.
BIDEN: We choose science over fiction! We choose truth over facts.
“The answer to domestic violence is more punching. Because they’re just as bright and talented as white kids. And if you don’t believe me, turn on the record player.” Every day, a new disaster, all chronicled on social media. Still, the prognosticators assured us that Biden was the inevitable winner. Had to be. “Oh but the South Carolina primary is coming up. Biden’s got a lock on African Americans,” they told us. “Black people love him.”
Whatever you say, cable news geniuses. We just got the new Quinnipiac poll. It shows Biden dropping 22 points among black voters in just two weeks. Mike Bloomberg, meanwhile, Mr. Stop and Frisk, is up 15 points among the same voters. Proving that in politics, as in life, you never really know. Better to be honest about that. But of course they never are. Keep in mind, these people get huge salaries to predict the future. Yet they’re virtually always wrong. Frustrating? Sure it is. We still remember when they were telling us to buy condos in Vegas a week before the 2008 real estate collapse. On the other hand, their consistent idiocy does create a potentially lucrative investment opportunity for the rest of us. Next time everyone on some MSNBC panel — the Washington Post editorial writer, the retired CIA analyst, the former federal prosecutor, the fake “Democratic strategist” who’s never run a campaign — agrees that something momentous is about to happen, bet against it. And go all in when you do. Mortgage the house. Take a loan from your brother-in-law in Boca Raton. Collect the dimes from under your couch, and send it all to your broker. Go long against the consensus on cable news, and you’re certain to get rich. We can’t know what the future holds, but we can be sure of at least one thing: When everyone in Washington says it’s true, it isn’t. The opposite usually is.
Apparently, Joe Biden hasn’t figured this out yet, which is why he keeps running. As of this hour, he’s still making candidate-like movements out there on the trial, by turns charming and baffling the shrinking number of New Hampshire voters who come out to see him. Here’s the latest exchange:
BIDEN: That’s a good question. Number one: Iowa is a Democratic caucus. Ever been to a caucus? No you haven’t. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier. You said you were but you gotta be honest. I’m gonna be honest with you.
“Take that, you dog-faced pony soldier.” It’s going to hard not to miss Biden when he drops out. In the meantime, here’s a line he can use the next time some voter dares to ask him why he’s losing:
STEVE MARTIN (THREE AMINGOS): You slime-eating dogs. You scum-sucking pigs. You sons of a motherless goat
COWBOY: Son of a motherless goat?!
You can just hear Biden saying that. Let’s just hope his political obituaries aren’t too mean. It’s not really fair to blame Biden himself for this mess. Shallow people with rapidly declining faculties shouldn’t run for president in the first place. Soon Biden will be safely in Florida, wearing white knee socks and enjoying the 4:30 prime rib special. He’ll be a lot happier then. But the people who encouraged him to run and predicted his victory — we should remember their names. They’ve got no excuse. They’re not senile. They’re just stupid.
To be fair, there are some voters who still sincerely think Joe Biden can win it. Somehow their enthusiasm seems even more hurtful than the attacks of his enemies. Here’s the latest spasm of Biden support from New Hampshire:
“Biden’s back, alright!” Ever seen anything sadder than that? Not since the last Peaches and Herb reunion tour played the Wichita County fair. Time is the cruelest critic of all. Biden himself seemed unsure of what to make of the praise. He had that vacant, slightly-confused look, like he’d just been told to blow out the candles on his 90th birthday cake.
None of this amuses Democratic officials in Washington. They know their party is in danger of not having a nominee by the convention. Most Republican primaries award all or almost all delegates to the winner. Not so on the Democratic side. Thanks to changes Bernie Sanders demanded after the last election, many delegates are distributed on a proportional basis. That means that, if there are three or more viable candidates in the race after Super Tuesday, there will almost certainly be a brokered convention — a bitter one. That’s bad news for Democrats. The people who thought they ran the party are starting to figure this out. They’re upset:
CARVILLE: There's a certain part of the Democratic party that wants us to be a cult. I'm not interested in being in a cult... Some people in this country want a revolution. They want disruption. They scream at people and bully people. And I don't know how you win an election: 78 years old, screaming in a microphone about the revolution but you gotta give people an alternative.
Their main fear is Bernie Sanders. Rich liberals will put up with almost any amount of social engineering: Non-binary bathrooms — check. Woke self-abasement — fine. But they tend to be completely humorless on the subject of money, especially when it means handing over some of theirs to the people below them. They get hysterical and start ranting about public executions:
MATTHEWS: I have my own views of the word 'socialist' and I'd be glad to share them with you in private. They go back to the early 1950s. I have an attitude about them. I remember the Cold War, I have an attitude towards Castro. I believe if Castro and the Reds had won the Cold War there would have been executions in Central Park and I might have been one of the ones getting executed. And certain other people would be there cheering, okay? So I have a problem with people who took the other side. I don't know who Bernie has supported over these years, I don't know what he means by socialism -- one week it's Denmark, we're going to be like Denmark. Okay, that's harmless. That's basically a capitalist country with good social welfare programs. Denmark.
CHRIS HAYES: He’s pretty clearly in the Denmark category.
MATTHEWS: Is he?! How do you know?! Did he tell you that?
Stop Bernie. That’s the point. In Democratic circles in Washington, that’s the only point. They fear him more than Trump. But how do you stop him? Probably not with Amy Klobuchar. So that leaves two former mayors to do the job — one of a midsized midwestern town, the other of America’s largest city. A lot of donors in New York and Los Angeles would rather go with the former, Pete Buddha Judge, formerly of South Bend. For one thing, he was never a Republican. But there are questions about Buddha Judge. The main one is not: can he become president? It’s: is he actually human? Does he leave footprints? Has he ever cast a shadow? Or is this so-called “Pete Buddha Judge” exactly what he appears to be: A corporate hologram designed by the HR department at Google for instructional purposes? Who knows? But it’s possible that A-I is now so sophisticated that we’re looking at our first robotic presidential candidate. You’ll notice, for example, that every word Buddha Judge utters is perfectly synchronized with the official view from Silicon Valley and the finance world. What are the chances of that occurring in nature? This may be the new frontier in automation, ladies and gentlemen. The other candidates clearly don’t know what to make of the whole thing. Biden took the first swing at Buddha Judge, in a nasty new TV ad. When Joe Biden calls you unaccomplished, it stings:
NEW BIDEN AD: NARRATOR: When President Obama called on him, Joe Biden helped lead the passage of the Affordable Care Act, which gave health care to 20 million and when park-goers called on Pete Buttigieg, he installed decorative lights under bridges, giving citizens of South Bend colorfully illuminated rivers.
NARRATOR: Under threat of a nuclear Iran, Joe Biden helped to negotiate the Iran deal and under threat of disappearing pets, Buttigieg negotiated lighter licensing regulations on pet chip scanners.
But wait. Which would you rather have: an Iran Deal? Or better pet chip scanners? It’s an interesting question, actually. Biden left it unanswered. Nevertheless, at Friday’s debate, the other candidates followed his lead and pushed a similar theme:
KLOBUCHAR: We have a newcomer in the White House, and look where it got us. I think having some experience is a good thing.
STEYER: We need people with experience. That's why I'm worried about Mayor Pete. You need to be able to go toe to toe with this guy and take him down on the debate stage or we're going to lose.
SANDERS: Unlike some of the folks up here, I don't have 40 billionaires, Pete, contributing to my campaign coming from the pharmaceutical industry, coming from Wall Street.
WARREN: I don't think any billionaire ought to be able to do it, and I don't think people who suck up to billionaires in order to fund their campaigns ought to do it.
Seems kind of unfair when you think about it: Tom Steyer, who’s suffering through one of the worst mid-life crises in history, who’s never been elected to anything and never will be, attacking Pete Buddha Judge for not being accomplished enough? Irony is definitely dead. But then so is Buddha Judge’s campaign, no matter what they’re telling you on TV. Buddha Judge is too fake, too unnervingly programmed. And anyway, if you’re looking for a tiny finance-friendly mayor, we’re already got one for you — who by the way, has tens of billions of dollars to spend on the race. Let’s be honest: the Democratic contest is now between Mike Bloomberg and Bernie Sanders. And that’s a disaster for Democrats. The party can either nominate Bernie, and go full Socialist — or steal the nomination from Bernie, and face some sort of cataclysm at the convention in Milwaukee and beyond. Those are the options. Either way, the Democratic Party will never be the same again after tomorrow. Not even close. The past is officially over.