Tucker Carlson delivers a monologue on CNN's marathon presidential town hall on the climate crisis.
TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS: It was an act of wanton cruelty committed against defenseless television viewers. Last night, CNN subjected its tiny audience to what it described as a climate change town hall. It went on for seven hours. That’s a long time — so long, in fact, that climate predictions made at the start could be proven wrong by the end. An entire species of polar bear could become extinct by the third commercial break. In the name of science, a few hardy souls attempted to watch the entire thing. We can’t say what happened to them, though they’re in our prayers. At least one lapsed into unconsciousness:
WARREN: Say enough of having the oil industry, the fossil fuel industry write all our laws in this area. No more. No more.
(SHOT OF GUY SLEEPING IN THE CROWD. HE WAKES UP AND LOOKS GROGGY WHEN PEOPLE START CLAPPING)
He was the lucky one. If he was sleeping deeply enough, he might have missed CNN asking Julian Castro what his administration would do to fight, quote, “environmental racism.” We’re not making that up. But that’s just the tip of the rapidly-melting iceberg. Though it was billed as a show about the environment, last night was really an exercise in sweaty moral posturing. At times it became so strident that even the candidates on stage couldn’t keep up. Cory Booker, for example, tried to reassure viewers that Democrats don’t really want to take away people’s meat. Apparently he’d forgotten that Kamala Harris had already called for that:
BOOKER: I hear about it all the time. “Booker wants to take away your hamburger”. That is the kind of lies and fear-mongering that they spread out there, that somehow the Democrats want to get rid of hamburgers.
ERIN BURNETT: But would you support changing the dietary guidelines? You know, the food pyramid.
BURNETT: To reduce red meat specifically?
HARRIS: Yes, I would.
Kamala Harris thinks you eat too much red meat. She plans to do something about it once she’s elected God. That, and a number of a number of other things. There’s quite a few things in America that Kamala Harris plans to ban immediately:
CLIMATE ACTIVIST: Will you commit to implementing a federal ban on fracking your first day in office, adding the United States to the list of countries who have banned this devastating practice?
HARRIS: There's no question I'm in favor of banning fracking, so yes
BURNETT: So would you ban offshore drilling?
HARRIS: Yes, and I've again, worked on that. (APPLAUSE)
BURNETT: Plastic straws are a big thing right now. Do you ban plastic straws?
HARRIS: I think we should, yes.
Banning straws is mindless and annoying. If you really cared about plastic pollution, you’d punish China for dumping it in the ocean. But banning all fracking? That’s just demented. The energy sector is the single most successful part of the American economy. It’s one of the only things propping up our trade balance. It’s been a savior of last resort for rural areas devastated by globalization. Kamala Harris doesn’t care. She may not even know. When you’re a soulless demagogue bent on power at all costs, details are irrelevant. All you see is yourself at the finish line. Ambition is a powerful drug.
And yet, if we’re being honest, Harris wasn’t even close to the least appealing candidate on stage last night. That award goes to Father Pete Buddha Judge, patron saint of South Bend. Father Pete launched into a sermon last night that would have made Jonathan Edwards proud: “sinners in the hands of an angry climate god”:
(SOT: BUTTIGIEG: You know, if you believe that God is watching as poison is being belched into the air of creation, and people are being harmed by it, countries are at risk of vanishing in low-lying areas, what do you suppose God think of that? I bet he thinks it's messed up. (edit) At least one way of talking about this is that it's a kind of sin.)
You shudder to think of the torments waiting for you in Father Pete’s Episcopalian version of Hell. Imagine him lecturing you superciliously, for eternity. Wagging his little fingers in your face. Bragging about his virtue. It’s enough to make you want to obey. Father Pete himself fears no such judgement. At the very same time he’s yelling at you about “belching poison into the air of creation,” Father Pete himself is likely to be sipping Perrier at 50 thousand feet in a leased Gulfstream. According to an Associated Press report, Buddha Judge flies on climate-destroying private jets more than any other Democratic candidate. How can this be? We asked the Buddha Judge campaign that question today. Here’s their response. Quote: "We fly commercial as often as possible and only fly non-commercial when the schedule dictates." Oh course. That makes sense. When it’s convenient, Father Pete follows his own commandments. The rest of the time, he’s happy to belch poison into the air of creation. You’re not allowed to bring from a plastic straw. Pete Buddha Judge gets to keep his private plane. No wonder rich people love climate alarmism. For them, it’s all upside. It’s not so great for everyone else. For poor people in the third world, it’s going to be especially tough. They’re not going to be allowed to have as many children as they’d like. Watch Bernie Sanders explain:
WOMAN IN THE AUDIENCE: Empowering women and educating everyone on the need to curb population growth seems a reasonable campaign to enact. Would you be courageous enough to discuss this issue and make it a key feature of a plan to address climate catastrophe?
SANDERS: Well, Martha, the answer is yes. And the answer has everything to do with the fact that women in the United States of America, by the way, have a right to control their own bodies and make reproductive decisions.
And the Mexico City agreement, which denies American aid to those organizations around the world that allow women to have abortions or even get involved in birth control to me is totally absurd.
There you go. Sanders said it right out loud: We’re going to have to make sure the Africans have more abortions. We’ll also have to control what people eat, and how they travel, and what they do for a living, and every other detail of their formerly-personal lives. We’re in charge now. Of everything. That’s the message. Suddenly you realize none of this has much to do with the environment.