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Kennedy Beats the Despicable Press

If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Kennedy, a lot of folks that inhabit what passes for the press corps these days are having a rough time of it, too -- not feeling so darn despicable and all, I mean.

Most of us don't even know who, or what, we are anymore, Pat. I can call you Pat, right? After all , this is a small, despicable, setting -- you know the kind of place.

Between you and me, from here it just seems like the press is becoming an ever-expanding group of attention-seekers armed with the latest $99 bit of pocket technological just waiting to catch folks in positions of authority like you making morons out of yourselves.

Oops, sorry, that just kind of slipped out. My emotions got the best of me.

Kind of like they did for you yesterday when your dignified Kennedy jowls got off on that little rant on the House floor about how misguided and despicable the press was and all.

Lucky there were only two alleged press people watching your act, or this might have become a really big deal. And are you sure they were from the bona fide press? How did you know? They're tough to identify these days ...

Look, I only know about the whole thing because I like to think of myself as a genuine card-carrying member of the press. No worries, though, I believe myself to be every bit as despicable as the rest of those bums you so bravely called out yesterday.

Anyway, I was able to get my hands on your little Jeffersonian performance by employing some expert reporter instincts. And just so you know that I really am a dead-on, serious, despicable press guy, I actually watched the entire 4-minute, 4-second version of your show.

I found it on this little, fly-by-night operation called YouTube.

They are most definitely not a part of the despicable press corps. I doubt anybody even watches 'em.

I mention that, because I came across several sawed-off, 43-second takes on your speech. These were not being provided by real journalists, despicable or otherwise, because they obviously never learned about context.

This means you were right, virtually nobody from the press was watching you yesterday.

But back to your performance ...

I thought the point you were making about Afghanistan was interesting, and it's a damn shame so many in your own party completely disagree with you. That has to be rough, and I'm sure the despicable press has everything to do with that, too.

After all, you grew up, and heard about, the good, old days when the much more identifiable and less-despicable press made sure the Kennedy Democratic Brand, Ltd., was heard loud and clear on so many dignified issues, and were oh-so-good about clamming up about those oh-so-bad, undignified ones. Those were the days, eh, Patty Boy?

So there you were as the Congressman from R.I., being all dignified, and whatnot, about Afghanistan when you brought up your former Democratic colleague from N.Y., Eric Massa, out of the blue.
Now, again, because I am one of the few members of the actual despicable press that have taken an interest in this whole secret episode, I have to tell you, I found your anger, well ... a bit misplaced -- bizarre even.

It sort of seemed like you were a little jealous about all the attention this wing nut, Massa, was receiving.
It's pretty much over for him, buddy. Apparently, he was on the Glenn Beck show the other night, and was so whacked out, that other despicable press people were actually feeling sorry for the pre-adolescent Fox drama queen.

So it's time to move on to the next fixation of the despicable press, Pat.

Got any ideas?

(Got a tip, a gripe, or some kudos? Send 'em along.)