February 11, 2001

Guy Talk
By Greg Crosby

Clinton and Gore Clash Over Blame for Election - “For more than an hour, in what sources close to both men described as uncommonly blunt language, Gore forcefully told Clinton that his sex scandal and low personal approval ratings were a major impediment to his presidential campaign. Clinton, according to people close to him, was initially taken aback but responded with equal force that it was Gore’s failure to run on the administration’s record that hobbled his ambitions.” (Washington Post - Feb. 7, 2001)

Al Gore: “I’m really glad you’ve finally found time to see me. It’s been awhile since we’ve had a chance to talk.”
Bill Clinton: “Are you being sarcastic or just plain nasty or what?”
AG: “Huh? Listen, Bill, please don’t take that tone with me.”
BC: “Hey, boy, don’t you give me any lip, I’ll take whatever tone I see fit -- and wipe that smart-ass smirk off your face with the arched eyebrow. You’re not dealing with some Texas idiot now, you’re talking to a President here!”
AG: “Oh, I see. Go ahead. Rub it in.”
BC: “I’m not rubbing anything in, (giggle) it’s just a fact of life, man. I was President of The United States, for TWO terms by the way, and you couldn’t get elected. Hell, you couldn’t even figure out who you WERE, how’d you expect the people to figure it out?”
AG: “You really are a mean-spirited bastard! I thought you were my friend.”
BC: “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,ha! Your FRIEND? Don’t be such a ... what is it those New York Jews call it? A schmuck, that’s it. Don’t be such a schmuck.”
AG: “I never should have stood by you during the whole Monica mess! I should have kept my distance!”
BC: “Kept your distance? Your problem was you weren’t close enough! If you’d been closer to me, you might have even gotten a little taste of the big Lewinski yourself!”
AG: “Have you no shame?”
BC: “Ha,ha,ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”
BC: “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”
AG: “You sir, are despicable!”
BC: “Ha, ha, ha. Wasn’t it Daffy Duck that used to say that? Only when he said it, he was funny. You’re about as funny as Hillary. No, wait. I take that back. She’s funnier than you.”
AG: “I can’t believe I said that you will be remembered as one of our greatest presidents. That was the statement that probably killed the election for me.”
BC: “My man, that was probably the only statement you ever made in your life that was true.”
AG: “Well, if I’m a liar, you’re a bigger one!”
BC: “No, you’re a bigger liar than I am, Mr. ‘Look For The Union Label.’ Mr. Internet inventor.”
AG: “No, you’re the big liar.”
BC: “I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? You sound just like a little cry baby.”
AG: “Shut up, you ... you big fat white soft slob!”
BC: “I know you are, but what am I?”
AG: “Ohhhh. I hate you. If it wasn’t for you I’d be president.
BC: “If it wasn’t for me, you’d be back down in Tennessee weedin’ it, and hoein’ it, and growin’ it, and pickin’ it, and smokin’ it and chewin’ it and whatever else you claimed you did with the tobacco your family raised.”
AG: “You know, Tipper’s right. You are nothing but a low-class white trash hillbilly crook!”
BC: “Yeah, but which one of us is movin’ on up to the de-lux office building in the sky, Jethro? Which one of us gets the $800,000 view of Central Park and which one goes back to his wife’s family home? The Tennessee stiff or Big Daddy Bill?”
AG: “Ohhhh. You’re making me so mad!”
BC: “Okay. C’mon, earth tone, let’s go! You want a piece of me? Huh? Right now, Sore Loserman! You and me, let’s go!”
AG: “Shut up you big fat. Leave me alone.”
BC: “I’ll leave you alone, boy. And so will every Democrat in this country. I’ll see to it. Terry will see to it. Even Hillary will see to it. Now get out of here, you knucklehead. I’ve got pardons to get out and some furniture and stuff to pack up.”

Greg Crosby is a syndicated columnist and a
contributor to RealClearPolitics

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