February 1, 2006
Slip Off Your Whale Tail, Muffin Top
By Froma
Harrop
Which is more depressing,
it's hard to say: The fact that teenage girls have rolls of flab
around their waists? Or that they let the flesh hang over the
tops of their low-cut jeans, exposed for the world to see?
It seems that the
richer America gets, the trashier the young people look. A recent
fashion story about the revival of the slip pushed the matter
to my mind's front-burner. A slip would cover the overhang.
The slip, petticoat
-- call it what you will -- was created in olden days as a second
line of defense for protecting female modesty. If a breeze lifted
a lady's skirt, the slip underneath kept her legs covered.
Now, the slip's return
does not entirely reflect a new reserve on the part of American
women. This piece of lingerie has always led a double life as
the preferred garment to get caught half-dressed in. That use
is fully explored in the new King Kong movie, where Naomi Watts
spends a good deal of time stumbling about dazed in her lace-edged
slip.
Slips have a long
cinematic history. In "Bonnie and Clyde," a slip-clad
Faye Dunaway famously tries to seduce her crime partner. Elizabeth
Taylor practically lived in a slip while filming "Cat on
a Hot Tin Roof." (The costume shop had it fitted to the last
micron.) Liz reappears similarly semi-dressed in "Butterfield
8." In one scene, she drinks Scotch while lounging in a satin
little nothing. The point, lost on our porn-stupefied culture,
is that half-dressed can be sexier than undressed.
Every decade or two
there seems to be a revival of the slip dress, which is designed
to resemble the undergarment. A slip dress is usually a slinky
number with spaghetti straps.
Any resurgence of
the slip -- as a lining to a dress or as the dress itself -- would
represent a step forward if it covers some of the midriffs now
cascading over low-slung jeans. In days of yore, a flabby midsection
would have been considered a "figure flaw" to be hidden,
and there's evidence that not everyone has forgotten that.
Valley Girls coined
their own cruel term for the phenomenon: a muffin top. Oprah has
called it the "Dunlap Syndrome," as in "your stomach
done lap over your jeans."
The exposure of midsections,
even firm examples, has opened the gates to other unwelcome sights.
One is the Y-shaped top of a thong that appears above the low
jeans. Valley Girls call this a "whale tail." I have
no idea whether they make this reference as dry observation or
out of disapproval, but it's a brilliant description.
The whale tail announces
that the woman is wearing a thong, something that ordinarily would
not be public knowledge. The thong, of course, is a revealing
item suggestive of a stripper's G-string. The woman who brazenly
shows off even part of it at the shopping mall is underscoring
her availability.
Uncovered midsections
have also become a canvas for various piercings. We refer to the
belly-button rings, hooks and whatnot that ladies needle through
their exposed flesh. The metalwork looks painful and itchy, but
the wearers must regard it as alluring. After all, the skewer
through the belly button goes so well with the iPod on the belt
drooped barely above the pubic bone.
Perhaps the "jewelry"
is suggestive in the way spiked heels are -- hinting at a state
of bondage in which the woman cannot run away. But does America
want its teenage girls practicing hard-sell arousal techniques
on the boys? That's what it is, you know. I wonder how many parents
are furiously writing their congressman about the bad influences
coming from Hollywood, as their daughter glides out the front
door dressed as a sex slave.
This is clearly a
cultural problem as well as a fashion one. We aren't talking here
about not wearing white after Labor Day.
Oh, the slip would
solve so much. Mademoiselle, go buy a couple. Wear a slip under
a dress, if you have one. Or just wear it instead of the dress.
Anything that covers the muffin top, whale tail or S&M accessories
will make you look better -- and it will make America a more attractive
place.
Copyright
2006 Creators Syndicate
